How to NOT Talk About Someone’s Weight Loss
Ran in to a friend earlier this week, someone I hadn’t seen in a few months. While she knew I’d been working out, training for a marathon, eating better, and generally taking better care of myself, she had yet to see how my body has transformed.
“Oh my God,” she said when she saw me. “You’ve lost so much weight, you’re scaring me.”
Scaring? What a strange word to use. If I looked even remotely anorexic “scary” might be appropriate. If my skin were sallow and my cheeks sunken, heck even I’d be scared. However, my current weight is 294 pounds. My Body Mass Index is 34.9. I still have a long road ahead. I’d like to lose another 34 pounds and then evaluate where I am and how I feel about that.
While I’m talking about it, I wish people wouldn’t say things like “You’ve lost enough weight, haven’t you?” I know they mean well, but I have a weight loss goal. I also know about the jelly roll you apparently can’t see under my shirt. Until it’s gone I’m not done.
Meals, especially meals out,can be challenging. Well-meaning people like to express concern by asking “Is there anything on this menu you can eat?” or, conversely, “You’re taking a break from your diet tonight, right?” I promise you, I can find something to eat on any restaurant menu. It might be healthy, it might not. That’s my choice. Let me make it.
The follow-up to that is “Should you be eating that?” I appreciate the concern, warden, but only one of us needs to watch what I eat.
Don’t be a food pusher. “Just have another bite,” or “I know you’re not through eating,” are classic food pusher comments. Just because you’ve cooked or brought enough food for a military battalion doesn’t mean I have to eat it.
Don’t say “you look so much better now.” You know it and I know it, neither of us has to say it.
So what do you say to someone who has lost weight? Three words. “You look great.” They’re nice words that bolster my self-esteem and don’t leave anyone feeling uncomfortable.
Wow…what a superbly-written article – I chuckled and shook my head, because I’ve received some of those comments and been guilty of expressing some (or similar) as well. I guess, for those of us journeying downward through clothing sizes, others think our “diet” (four-letter word) is all we think about. It’s like they can’t relax in our presence without saying something about what we are eating! I had someone come up to me at a church dessert fellowship recently, looked at my calorie-laden plate and said, “Gee, that sure doesn’t look like a dieter’s dish!” As sweetly as I could, I smiled and said, “No foods are forbidden, and you haven’t seen my other meals for the last two days either, now have you?”
I follow the 80/20 rule (more like the 85/15): eat healthfully eight meals out of ten, and enjoy a treat on the third day, and that is just what I was doing. Of course, onlookers don’t know how much more dessert I really could have consumed if I hadn’t limited it somewhat. After losing to my goal weight, I’ve managed to stay within about two pounds of it for the last six months, and I get right back on track after a most-enjoyed splurge.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m certain I’ve been guilty of expressing some of those phrases — or something like them — at times as well. Being on the receiving end, I expect and hope I’ll be more mindful of how I talk to others. I love the 80/20 or 85/15 rule. It makes total sense. If you forbid certain foods, you’ll crave them all the more, and frankly the occasional indulgence is a bit of a safety valve as well. We shouldn’t expect ourselves to be perfect at every meal, or even every single day. Most days, for sure, but moderation is the key. Thanks again for your comments. I enjoy reading your blog very much.
I’m goingt to post a link to your article on my Sparkpeople home page as well. (www.sparkpeople.com – I’m “Jusfolk” there.) Glad you enjoy my posts – I’ve been a bit lax recently.
It’s so hard to know what to say. Or if one should comment at all! If someone says I lost weight or look good, what does that mean they thought about how I looked before!?
Excellent Post about knuckle head things people do/will say!
Much HOPE you reach the next 36 lb Goal! After eating Clean & Healthy for a while, one realizes what’s not healthy and seeks to avoid eating it, next phase is that cravings for the junk stuff subsides. Every morning is a new and fresh slate to eat healthy.
Here’s my pet peeve that is often said:
“I could kill (name) or them.”
I think… OH Really? Is Prison Time really worth doing that?
Wish people didn’t say stuff like that, it’s inappropriate.